It's a big problem.
Y'see, I've always had this impression that whatever I do, I'll always manage to wangle it so I come out of it alright.
Reality check, much?
I managed to completely screw up my Geography coursework - insofar as not doing it after an extension.
So this means that I am forced to enter at foundation level and can, at best, get a C in Geography. This wouldn't be such a huge disaster if it weren't for the fact that I can't speak Spanish either, meaning I'll be getting a maximum of a C in that too.

... This means that my aim of getting 7 A*s at GCSE can only be obtained if I get A*s in English lit, English lang, Maths, Stats, Physics, Biology and Chemistry...  This is hard - coz I'm shit at English. (that said, I was proud of the A*s I got in my recent courseworks).

I suppose I'm a tad resentful of the younger years who effectively have no coursework at all to do. I mean, I can see the advantage of being able to do coursework, rather than just exams, but different people find different things easier - for me, I'd rather just do loads of exams - at least I can't put them off.

At any rate, the word that springs most readily to mind is "gah".

Of course, juggling work, school and social lifes is a challenge, and perhaps I could improve at it - but y'know, I really wouldn't want it any other way. I am who I am because of the people I know - and that's something I value a lot. For instance, all it takes is a look back through the past 2 years worth of my blog to see how I've changed as a person. For the better, I'd like to think. But some things just play around in my head - little things that I don't know whether I should feel guilty about or not. I mean, I'm a tad ruthless sometimes - I suppose I've always had to be, but I, like a lot of people, find it difficult to stop something so habitual.

Today, I got a load of business cards for work (they look good, I tells ye!), and I had to fix my computer (again), I got asked to do a telephone interview, and am in contact with the children's legal centre - all these things I had to do myself. Why? Because it's up to me to get them sorted or no-one else will. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've realised that in less than 10 weeks I'll be sitting the exams that make attempts to quanitify my intelligence to my future educators and employers, and it's really struck me that I'm at the point where most people grow up rather fast, but I don't seem to need to, because I'm already there. I've forced myself to get there through ambition - but now I'm essentially bored (this explains the lack of coursework) and I'm slacking off because I suppose I've held the tension for too long.

It's 11:15pm right now, and I'm still reading emails. and trying to plan the rest of the month. Who does that at 11:15pm? I suppose I really need to refocus my attention to sleep and school, rather than all the other stuff. Wish me luck, I guess.

: )