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I need a livejournal. Seriously.

by Sean- @ 19. 05. 08 - 10:13:16 pm

I'm going to give all the arrogant, government-bashing, conservative-voting, crap a rest for this post. Simply because I need this little white box for a different purpose. I'm going to rant and rave about my live, because apparently it makes things better when complete strangers can read about your personal life. Yay. 4chan are firing up the paedocannons, I expect.
March = Epic win/Epic Fail.
I'm not entirely sure what the fuck March actually was. I've told about 4 people exactly why I'm so 'angsty' (for want of a better word) of late. I prefer to keep it that way, so I'll kindof gloss over this a bit. I haven't seen my two littlest sisters since August, since my stepdad decided to disappear with them. You know what? That's just rude. I miss them. March saw me being told some shitty news that I'm not entirely sure what to make of. I'm not even sure I beleive it.
Said piece of news led to complete communication breakdown for a week, and (now ex)girlfriend thinking I was ignoring her because I said I hadn't realised how long it had been since we'd spoken... We .. resolved... it, I never told her exactly why I hadn't been speaking to her. I regret that now. I still don't think I can, though.
Then school started getting ratty, and just generally an inconvenience.
"You haven't done this..", "you need to do this", coupled with "why haven't you done this?" and a sudden discovery of sarcasm by my foster parents, I was (am) just sick of everything.
You set 4 pieces of maths homework in as many days, what the fuck do you expect?
I'd learn more in English if there was a fucking lemon sitting on the front desk, than you're insane ramblings, and pseudo-witty commentry on everything I fucking do!
And, for fuck sake, that man CAN NOT TEACH GEOGRAPHY. How the fuck do you expect a class to learn when you spend 47 minutes of an hour long lesson (yes, I counted) ranting and raving about respect, and about how Jakes behaviour "stinks". I don't think Jakes behaviour smells very much... in fact, it's contextually impossible ... LEARN ENGLISH BEFORE TEACHING KIDS ABOUT ROCKS, YOU FUCKING PILLOCK.
And please, how the fuck can you justify sending someone out of a classroom for putting their hand up!?

Oh, and note how I didn't use any teachers names their. There will be no facebook stalking here.

Moving on.
April.
Friday 11th, to be precise.

I get led half way across London by bus, then cried on and dumped. Then invited 'round to watch DeathNote ... eh!?
(Sorry, if you're reading this, but try seeing it from my perspective...)
Talk about timing, as well... not that she knew.

Anyway, for the first time in years, I've been wondering what the fuck is the point anymore. Vague consolations from friends (in fact, I tell a lie. Everyone's been fucking wonderful, and I'll never forget it) help a bit, I guess. But this last two months have been the most desperate for a long time. Yet, I still parade this happy facade at school, and at work. Becuase about 95% of people at my school are complete wankers anyway, and at work, I'm a proffesional, right? Not some angsty teen with personality issues.

If you've got this far, I congratulate you.

I'm going to sleep now. .I might wake up. I'd rather I didn't. But, I'm British. I carry on, right?


 
 

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Anonymous [Visitor]

19/05/08 @ 22:26

Stay safe for me. Don't do anything I wouldn't want you to.

And I'm sorry you have to go through this. You don't deserve it - you're one of the most amazing people I know. Stay strong. We're here for you.

Love you, sean.

ani [Visitor]

19/05/08 @ 23:35

Oh dear sweetie,
What's the point of it all? YOU ARE ALIVE. for one, people around you benifit from your presence. Your life is your now and right now you are pissed off/desperate/anxty whatever - but tomorrow you will be less so.
It could always be far worse.
What a shitty, cliche thing to say. But 'tis true!
cheerup. go to bed. wake up in the morning and appreciate the good things - of which there are many - and though they dont cancel out the droves of crap things they help.
In my limited experience of everything -
It works out - always - eventually - one way or another.
And on the rare occasion it doesn't? It changes. What's todays trauma will be tomorrows distant, fading memory.
I am waffling like made to little effect. i appologise.
In short: Itll be ok. And its ok to rant and be angry. Embrace it, harness its energy and use it to do summat cool.

Much of the love, ani x

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